Who Am I?

WHO AM I?
Published in 'Eyecandy [The Post]
September 25th, 2005
&
Published in 'Nation On Campus' [The Nation]
January 4th, 2006


I was just thinking the other day as I sat all alone watching the rain pouring down……who am I? Since that day I have not been able to get this question out of my head and it inspired me to write this piece. I realize that the question I have put forward to myself serves to be a rather queer one, but on several occasions, when I have really sat down to think, this question has automatically popped into my head as if it were waiting to be thought about. What I am striving to find out really, is why am I the personality that I am? Why do I walk, talk, laugh (and just about do anything) in a certain way? Could it have been ordained for me to be this way or did I make myself this way? I am sure many of you, especially the youngsters out there, have pondered over the same issue many a times when you were alone and had time to think. I am equally certain that after thinking about it for 5 minutes at the most, you quickly shoved it out of your mind and got busy with your daily chores, sensing that such ‘ridiculous’ thoughts are a waste of time and emotional energy. However, I believe we should let ourselves explore these unique thoughts a little further at times, so as to gage where they come from and why they make us so uncomfortable.

Sometimes in the middle of doing something, I stop dead in my tracks and unexpectedly get an overwhelming feeling of being trapped within myself. If you take away my body and brain from me, what would I be left with? Where would I go? Where would my personality go? I guess the real question is, does the brain make us who we are or do we have a soul that is floating around inside our exterior frame that moulds us a certain way? If you are a religiously inclined person then while reading this article, your first reaction will probably be something to the effect of: ‘Well God made me who I am and I should not question it so much’. Unfortunately it is not that simple for me. You see, I have always wanted to know why I think the way I do. What makes me react to something in a certain way? Yes of course…everybody would say ‘that is your personality’ but what boggles my mind is……where does THAT come from?

Even as a new born baby that had no understanding or experience of living in the world, I must have had my own set of traits. Every baby is different from the other. But how is that possible? I do not know or even remember what I was like when I was a child. Now isn’t that funny considering the fact that THAT child was also me? How can I not know what I used to do or say at a certain time period of my life? Why can’t I remember being born, taking my first step, saying my first word or tumbling down a flight of dangerous stairs at the age of five? When my mother recounts these stories of my childhood to me, it is like she is talking about another person I have no recollection of…a stranger.

Now as I sit here in a black leather chair comfortably writing this article, I wonder why I am writing the things that I am typing out with such speed and clarity of feeling. Where are these wondrous ideas emanating from? However, it is of no use for me to drive myself to the point of insanity with these thoughts, because there are no clear cut answers. I have been blessed with a body, a mind and two eyes through which to see the vastness of the world. I have been given ‘myself’ (whoever I am), so I should make full use of all these priceless gifts and live, simply because I have no choice.

However, as I bring my article to an end I want to send an important message to everyone who may or may have not experienced the ‘who am I’ syndrome. Never stop questioning things. It is your basic human right to probe into each and every situation or idea that you do not fully understand. Do not stop asking questions till you are satisfied with the answers. If you ever doubt something about your own personality or thought process, sit down and talk it out with yourself. This is the best way to clear your mind and know yourself better in the process. Don’t be ashamed of your confusion or uncertainties…..trust yourself completely and once you are able to do that, I guarantee that nothing in this world will ever be a puzzle to you anymore.


By: Fariha Rashed