Saturday, January 21, 2006

The Last Poem


The Last Poem

It started out as a sad tale regarding a severe phobia of death, and ended up being about a poem that saved me.

Sometimes while I lie in bed at night gazing up to where I know there is a ceiling, but being able to see nothing but darkness with the lights turned off, I think about death. The very thought sends shudders up my spine and an overwhelming sensation of fear grips me. I lie there like a log wondering what happens to us when we die. All kinds of peculiar questions arise in my mind such as ‘do we undergo a transition from being living, breathing human beings to becoming mere souls floating about without purpose in space?’ or ‘do we become pure energy and unite with the Universe?’ I ponder over whether heaven and hell exist as we have stereotypically imagined tem to be and mind you, do we actually get to meet God after hearing about him for so long? What in God’s name [excuse the pun] will I say to the big ‘G’? Will I tell him I’m sorry for being a naughty child or will I ask for forgiveness for stealing my friend’s rather nice looking pen when I was in eighth grade? I think I should just shut up and let him do all the talking.

You must be wondering by now where this article is leading and why I feel its ‘My Story’. Well, let me take you back to December 7th, 1998 when my father passed away suddenly, and things might get a little clearer. It was the saddest, most horrific day of my life as my father meant the world to me, my mother and my sister. He was the pillar of strength on which we all rested and relied. Unfortunately, he had been admitted in the hospital in Uzbekistan the night before, after undergoing his second heart attack in eight months. The doctors managed to stabilize him but decided to keep him overnight, under observation in the hospital. My sister, mother and I therefore made our way home for the night, expecting to see him the next morning. However something just wasn’t right, as I had a sudden feeling of depression as I walked out of the hospital door. I lay in bed and drifted off to sleep with an uncomfortable feeling deep inside. I suddenly found myself snapped out of sleep by a dreadful feeling and I sprung off the bed unable to understand what was happening. I instinctively turned my head towards the window sill where I found myself gazing straight at my father’s smiling picture and right next to it I vaguely remember seeing the clock strike 5 a.m. Rather confused and shook up, I made my way back to the bed and fell asleep eventually. The next morning we found out that my father had died at 5 a.m. from a third heart attack and I believe my waking up at that precise moment was not a coincidence.

My father’s demise managed to develop in me a phobia about death which became unshakable. I lay in bed day in and day out the way I have described above, driving myself to the point of insanity. Death and its mystery became my obsession. They say time heals all wounds and although it did to some extent decrease my pain, it could not convince my mind to stop its fixation on our ultimate end as human beings. However, the most extraordinary thing happened a few years after my father’s death which eased my mind a great deal. We unexpectedly found a poem that he had written in the hospital right before he died. In it he described the angels in white that were coming to take him away to a wonderful place of peace. The poem had not been titled and I named it ‘The Last Poem’.

After uncovering that poem, all I know now is that this thing called death is inevitable and I have got to face up to it. I know for sure that even though my father has physically left this world, he lives spiritually, continuing to discipline me. The part that had really gotten to me the most when my father died, was the actual time of death; the slipping away from reality, entering an unknown, unseen realm, in a totally new form of oneself. I had envisioned it to be scary, but I now believe it will be a completely comfortable and pleasant sensation. It could end up being the best feeling in the world as my father described it to be in his last poem.

I do believe in God and I have faith in my religion, but it is a very natural feeling for us humans to be afraid of the unknown. To me life is just a temporary phase of a bigger scenario. It is a precious gift given to us which we must cherish, for it will never be given to us again. I don’t know if time ever stops or just goes on forever, but I do believe that after death, the place where we all go to, will have no concept of time. So “forever” is what we’ll be in our new state of being. My father had meant for me to find his last poem and I look forward to seeing him again, on the other side.

By: Fariha Rashed

Saturday, January 07, 2006

The Ajoka Awakening

The Ajoka awakening
COVER STORY
Published in 'Images' [DAWN]
October 16th, 2005

By FARIHA RASHED
lt seems like a crime that an institution of the calibre of Ajoka Theatre has its main office in Lahore hidden away at the very end of an almost invisible gali in the main Cantt area. However, upon entering the cozy and inviting setup, the very air carries with it the determination and resolve to bring about change.Seated with the driving force behind Ajoka, Madeeha Gauhar, she spends hours talking about her life as a political activist, a TV celebrity, the founder of Ajoka Theatre and then becoming its artistic director.Born in Karachi in 1956 and still carrying wonderful memories of the city, Madeeha has spent most of her life in Lahore. Her father, Ali Gauhar, a Peshawar-born, Persian-speaking army officer died when Madeeha was only 14 years old. Her mother, Khadijah, born to a Gujrati speaking family from Bharauch, India, was, in her words, “a dedicated socialist, fearless writer, committed human rights activist and an untiring social worker.”She was of great inspiration to Madeeha who now feels that her political consciousness stems from observing her mother’s interaction with journalists and political activists, “My mother always encouraged me to form Ajoka when Gen Ziaul Haq’s rule was at its oppressive peak.” Her mother faced disapproval for Madeeha’s career choice from relatives who were shocked and upset, but even in the face of such opposition she pushed her daughter forward. Together with her sister, Faryal Gauhar, also an actress, Madeeha formed a small group of women who had the courage to take up acting in a society where music and dance were and are still prohibited in certain regions.In 2002, Madeeha received recognition and was awarded the Tamgha-i-Imtiaz by the Pakistan government. Furthermore, Ajoka was invited to perform the play Aik Thi Nani at the London Theatre Festival along with the other participating countries. The play was also well-received in India and is one of Ajoka’s few Urdu plays, most of them being in Punjabi. Aik Thi Nani, according to one of Ajoka’s flyers, is ‘inspired by the true life story of two extraordinary sisters, Zohra Segal and Uzra Butt. After Partition, Uzra migrated to Pakistan and Zohra stayed back. This play, especially written for the sisters by playwright Shahid Nadeem, brought them together on one stage after four decades. The play was first performed in 1993 and has since toured India twice and the UK’.Madeeha studied at the Convent of Jesus and Mary Lahore, and then acquired her B.A from Kinnaird College where she was also the president of the Najmuddin Dramatic Society. It was here that her skill and expertise as an insightful actress was honed. Later, as the secretary of the Government College Dramatic Society, she took part in an anti-establishment play which ruffled quite a few feathers. At 17, she acted in her first TV serial, Zanjeer (Chain), by Anwar Sajjad. After doing her Masters in English Literature from Government College Lahore, Madeeha taught at a government women’s college and then joined the Women’s Action Forum (WAF) where she got a chance to practice her activism with great fervor.
‘Stand up for your rights as a daughter, sister, mother, wife and in any other role you play.I am a firm believer in gender equality,’ says Madeeha Gauhar
At a time when there were no means for expressing outrage concerning the so-called ‘amended’ laws made by Gen Zia, WAF organized rallies and protests. Madeeha, Faryal Gauhar, Rubina Saigol and Asma Jahangir and Hina Jilani were all at the receiving end of a brutal baton-charge. Madeeha was arrested and subsequently jailed twice at Kot Lakhpat. She also lost her job as lecturer. “Banning or arresting people is not a solution. Let all things flourish and give viewers the right to reject,” she says while remembering those days.“Ajoka Theatre emerged out of extreme diversity, anger and a fiery zeal to bring about change in 1984,” she says. The first play performed under its banner was Juloos (Procession), written by Badal Sircar. Due to the absence of the NoC (no objection certificate) from the government, which scrupulously examined every script through and through, the play, could not be performed in any public hall or auditorium. Therefore, it was performed in Begum Khadija Gauhar’s lawn in the Cantonment area of Lahore. Madeeha adds, “Our activities went undiscovered until the last portrayal of the week-long performances. They then banned the second play we were to perform at the venue. We then approached the ‘Max Mueller’ institute and the German institute accommodated us by lending us space to perform. In the meantime, I went abroad to get a Masters degree in theatre from the University of London.”Madeeha acquired a British Council scholarship for the degree in drama. It was a one-year course that amalgamated both the practical and academic sides of the subject. Madeeha feels that her experience was very useful as she had the chance to view a lot of theater there. She also met her future husband, writer Shahid Nadeem, for the very first time in London. He was working with Amnesty International after being pardoned from a jail term in Pakistan during Gen Zia’s era due to his trade union activities. He was a documentary producer at PTV Lahore centre at the time of his arrest.In London, Madeeha asked Shahid to do the script of a play, Mara Hua Kutta (The Dead Dog), directed by his late friend Shahryar Rashed. “I had seen the play at a Kinnaird College festival while still at school and it had left a lasting impression on my mind. At the time, Ajoka needed original scripts for stage plays, which I felt no one was delivering at that time, with the exception of Sarmad Sehbai. I did not want to rely on mere translations.” Shahid Nadeem ended up giving Madeeha scripts for two stage plays, Mara Hua Kutta and Barri. “Barri was one of the first plays on the issue of the Islamic laws and a patriarchal system. The play also raises questions about the class basis of the woman’s movement in Pakistan and its direction,” she says. It was initially performed on International Women’s Day in 1987.Madeeha and Shahid had both been married before. Savera Nadeem is Shahid Nadeem’s daughter from his previous marriage, who is now a successful stage and television actress. Nirvaan, now completing his A levels, is Madeeha’s son from her first marriage. From their marriage to each other, Shahid and Madeeha have a son, Sarang.According to one of the annual newsletters, Ajoka set the wheels turning with their ‘cultural marathon’ which also marked the ‘beginning of the theatre for social change movement in Pakistan’. Most of their plays have been on daring social issues such as dowry, honour killing and discriminatory laws. “My vision has always been to help promote a secular, just, humane and egalitarian society,” says Madeeha.“Some of the other prominent street and stage plays by Ajoka include Kala Qanoon which revolves around the Hudood Ordinance; Kala Meda Bhes which deals with a real-life incident in Sindh where a woman was exchanged for an ox and Dukhini which portrays the practice of women trafficking by deceiving Bangladeshi women living in rural areas to come to Pakistan,” she says. Shahid Nadeem has also done a Punjabi adaptation of Brecht’s Arturo UI in the play, Bala King.Madeeha has had to deal with the reality of women’s issues in her own backyard, so to speak. “Some of the girls that act in my plays have had to face a lot of hurdles and obstacles created by their families. In a few cases, I have had to watch some of the girls with great acting talent leave Ajoka as they could no longer bear the stress of family pressure and opposition.” Her message to women: “Stand up for your rights as a daughter, sister, mother, wife and in any other role you play. I am a firm believer in gender equality.”Ajoka has also contributed to Indo-Pak peace by collaborating with Indian theater groups. They managed to collectively put up an indo-Pak theater festival, Zonani, also held in Lahore in March 2004. Ajoka Children’s Theatre has done plays such as Gali Kay Bacchay (Children of the dead-end street), Kaali Ghata (Grey clouds), and Bhola.Madeeha is saddened by the fact that besides Ajoka there are not many other theatre groups emerging in Pakistan, especially since the possibilities for artistic expression is much greater now. “The environment is very encouraging. Motivation and freedom is a prerogative of an artist. Our collaboration with the government has been very successful. We have done two plays, Bullah and Bala King with the Arts Council. We can change the trend if the government pays the expenses of productions, provides facilities and pays actors.”For the future, Madeeha hopes to have many more performances in Pakistan and wants to attract all kinds of people to her plays. She feels she has done countless street plays already and would like to concentrate more on stage plays held in various auditoriums across Pakistan, theatre festivals and conferences. She is also looking to expand the management team for Ajoka, with the aim of projecting it further and on a wider scale, in print and electronic media.Madeeha confesses that Ajoka is her whole life and everything she does is related to it. “At times I feel I cannot even give my children enough time because of it.” She commends Shahid Nadeem for supporting her throughout her career. As our chat comes to a close, she tells me that she would be leaving for India soon as a few of Ajoka’s plays were being performed there. Ajoka is most certainly her entire life and would continue being so.

Music In Vogue

Music in Vogue
COVER STORY
Published in 'Nation On Campus' [The Nation]
January 4th, 2006

There has been a phenomenal growth in the electronic media industry in Pakistan and as a result this has had vast repercussions on the music industry and the society as a whole as well as on the youth in specific. Electronic media is defined as those communication mediums which are based on electronic or electromechanical means of production and most often distinguished from print media. The primary electronic media sources familiar to the general public worldwide include radio, sound recordings, television, video recording, and streaming internet content. Over the past few years, the industry in Pakistan has displayed an unprecedented boom in media outlets. This uprising has brought with it many challenges, but it has also created new opportunities for the evolving local music industry. This is a particularly ripe time to evaluate the relationship between electronic media and music promotion and their combined affect on society and the youth in particular.

Internationally, and especially in the developed countries, growth in the media industry has been going on for ages and remains one of the most vibrant sectors. What has caused the revolution in Pakistan’s media industry is the recent liberalization of media policy afforded by the government. As a result, television, radio and the internet have further seeped into our society with effects of paramount importance, whether positive or negative. Media and society now come together in a new way.

Music in Vogue
Music is in vogue in Pakistan and electronic media is its primary medium of communication. If one reviews the change that has taken place in the content of music in Pakistan, in the early days “Pop revolved around kurta-shalwar clad, flag hoisting singers with songs of love and patriotism”. This was perhaps a result of the socio-political turmoil that Pakistan was experiencing at the time. Next came the “Western” influence which translated in to some original and some copied tunes and beats. Today, however “we either sing about national lies or 'ishq'”. The time has come to take a good hard look at the “quality” of music being produced and move to more important “subjects” which are relevant for our youth today. Music videos and lyrics should be used to educate the youth on matters such as “drugs”, “depression”, “survival” rather than just “love”.

Music has always been a culturally strong influence in the sub-continent. Pakistan has moved from an inherently traditional form of music to a diversification of sounds, tunes, beats and melodies which has lead to an amalgamation of “new” music. This “new” music is now looking for fresh and innovative avenues through which it can reach the Pakistani Youth – its intended target market. The growth in the number of music TV and radio channels combined with the relaxation of government censorship rules is trying to do exactly this.

It’s Impact
TV is found to be the better medium for communication and promotion of music both in Pakistan and globally. The reason identified for this is the simultaneous audio and visual stimulation provided by TV to the youth. TV is a medium which people of all ages can watch; there is no way of preventing a certain group from watching. Thus, children, adolescents, and adults are equally exposed to the positive and negative aspects of this medium. Some of the benefits which are available to the youth today are:

An opportunity to identify with a specific genre of music
• An opportunity to follow the music careers of one’s favorite musicians/ singers
• Availability of a large amount of information pertaining to the local and global music scenes
• An opportunity to have an impact on music in Pakistan by requesting/ voting for a particular number
• An urge to take up music as a career

Stereotypes & Violence
Everything good usually also has a negative side to it. In this case, TV (music videos and lyrics) can represent an exaggerated version of an idea, concept or emotion (primarily love) which can play havoc with many young impressionable minds. Throughout the history of music in Pakistan, one can see how music has influenced the youth in terms of their dressing and behavior patterns. Music videos also have a tendency of supporting and representing conventional gender roles which can be emulated by the youth to their detriment. This is a form of “stereotyping” through music. Another cause of concern is the “violence” which is associated with the “hard rock” genre of music. Both the lyrics and beats of certain music videos/ songs can induce trance like states where one can become delusional and perhaps behave in a manner other than usual. “Head banging” is a phenomena which has begun at concerts in Pakistan and which sometimes gets out of hand and leads to the crowd becoming rowdy.

Portrayal of Gender Inequality

The misrepresentation of the male and female and their respective roles in society, shown in music videos and portrayed through lyrics is something almost everyone has noticed. Isn’t it uncanny how almost each and every music video shows the girl having certain, very so called “feminine” physical and emotional attributes? Why is the guy always chasing the girl? Or for that matter why does every music video have to tell a story of ‘Love’? Is this what media is trying to teach us? Is it trying to sensationalize the concept of love and portray it as the only kind of relationship possible between the two genders? The trend even today has been to show women as the weaker sex and an object of desire and beauty in music videos. Through out time it is the love songs that have been the most popular and it is about this one human emotion in particular that every artist has chosen to sing at one time or another. However inequality of the sexes always manages to seep through in the final message being sent to the viewer or listener.

What the youth thinks
The youth is very gung ho about the whole electronic media revolution which is taking place in Pakistan. They feel that all mediums have opened up new avenues for them to listen to and identify with various genres of music in Pakistan. They like the “interactive” aspect of modern day electronic media portrayal of music. Youth in Pakistan is becoming more confident of their likes and dislikes and they are glad that they have the forums for voicing their opinions. They feel as if they are making a difference.

However, it is essential for the media to be responsible in its dissemination of images and messages through music and to ensure that the youth is not confused about their identities as a result. Misrepresentations, stereotypes and other such negative portrayals should be avoided. The young minds that media targets are fragile and susceptible.


By Fariha Rashed.

Who Am I?

WHO AM I?
Published in 'Eyecandy [The Post]
September 25th, 2005
&
Published in 'Nation On Campus' [The Nation]
January 4th, 2006


I was just thinking the other day as I sat all alone watching the rain pouring down……who am I? Since that day I have not been able to get this question out of my head and it inspired me to write this piece. I realize that the question I have put forward to myself serves to be a rather queer one, but on several occasions, when I have really sat down to think, this question has automatically popped into my head as if it were waiting to be thought about. What I am striving to find out really, is why am I the personality that I am? Why do I walk, talk, laugh (and just about do anything) in a certain way? Could it have been ordained for me to be this way or did I make myself this way? I am sure many of you, especially the youngsters out there, have pondered over the same issue many a times when you were alone and had time to think. I am equally certain that after thinking about it for 5 minutes at the most, you quickly shoved it out of your mind and got busy with your daily chores, sensing that such ‘ridiculous’ thoughts are a waste of time and emotional energy. However, I believe we should let ourselves explore these unique thoughts a little further at times, so as to gage where they come from and why they make us so uncomfortable.

Sometimes in the middle of doing something, I stop dead in my tracks and unexpectedly get an overwhelming feeling of being trapped within myself. If you take away my body and brain from me, what would I be left with? Where would I go? Where would my personality go? I guess the real question is, does the brain make us who we are or do we have a soul that is floating around inside our exterior frame that moulds us a certain way? If you are a religiously inclined person then while reading this article, your first reaction will probably be something to the effect of: ‘Well God made me who I am and I should not question it so much’. Unfortunately it is not that simple for me. You see, I have always wanted to know why I think the way I do. What makes me react to something in a certain way? Yes of course…everybody would say ‘that is your personality’ but what boggles my mind is……where does THAT come from?

Even as a new born baby that had no understanding or experience of living in the world, I must have had my own set of traits. Every baby is different from the other. But how is that possible? I do not know or even remember what I was like when I was a child. Now isn’t that funny considering the fact that THAT child was also me? How can I not know what I used to do or say at a certain time period of my life? Why can’t I remember being born, taking my first step, saying my first word or tumbling down a flight of dangerous stairs at the age of five? When my mother recounts these stories of my childhood to me, it is like she is talking about another person I have no recollection of…a stranger.

Now as I sit here in a black leather chair comfortably writing this article, I wonder why I am writing the things that I am typing out with such speed and clarity of feeling. Where are these wondrous ideas emanating from? However, it is of no use for me to drive myself to the point of insanity with these thoughts, because there are no clear cut answers. I have been blessed with a body, a mind and two eyes through which to see the vastness of the world. I have been given ‘myself’ (whoever I am), so I should make full use of all these priceless gifts and live, simply because I have no choice.

However, as I bring my article to an end I want to send an important message to everyone who may or may have not experienced the ‘who am I’ syndrome. Never stop questioning things. It is your basic human right to probe into each and every situation or idea that you do not fully understand. Do not stop asking questions till you are satisfied with the answers. If you ever doubt something about your own personality or thought process, sit down and talk it out with yourself. This is the best way to clear your mind and know yourself better in the process. Don’t be ashamed of your confusion or uncertainties…..trust yourself completely and once you are able to do that, I guarantee that nothing in this world will ever be a puzzle to you anymore.


By: Fariha Rashed

Revolutionizing Fashion

Revolutionizing Fashion
Printed in 'Nation On Campus' [The Nation]
4th January, 2006

The Maria.B website states that “MARIA.B DESIGNS (PVT) LTD is the largest manufacturer and retailer of women's fashion garments in Pakistan” [http://www.mariab.com]. Following is an intimate interview with Maria in which we discuss her impressive and successful career over a cup of hot steaming ‘kashmiri chai’ at her house in Lahore.

1. What is your qualification as a designer?

I graduated from Pakistan School of Fashion Design [PSFD]. Before that I did my A Levels from Karachi Grammar School. After fashion school I went straight into work.

2. When did you decide to create the label MARIA.B and why?

I decided in second year at PSFD. I didn’t want to start something from the home or do just bridal wear. I wanted to reach out to people and have fashion and street wear accessible to everybody.

3. Which countries besides Pakistan does MARIA.B cater to?

We have an Asian clientele whether it’s in the UK, US, Netherlands, Pakistan or India for that matter. Not only that, but recently some people said that my clothes work very well for the Arab women because they want trendy stuff like bootleg pants and short shirts. That’s the market I especially want to expand into, the Muslim belt of countries.

4. What was it like to be the first Pakistani to win an international fashion competition?

It was surreal. I was a part of the first batch of PSFD students going to Belgium and I remember thinking to myself very casually “ok so we are just going to be one of the 50 countries there and probably won’t win anyway”. The experience was amazing though because I got selected to participate on the basis of my portfolio and the judges actually said that mine was the best portfolio they had seen so far.

5. How has winning that competition helped you since?

It made a difference in the beginning because it gave me a lot of confidence. I thought if I can win by going to Belgium and competing with students from fashion schools from all over the world and make my own impact in the process, then I can do anything. It gave me a high and encouraged me to start something of my own. If you look at the Pakistani fashion industry, unfortunately people just want to play achievement down and they want to discourage anyone who is successful. There are these older designers that are just hanging onto their ‘glory’ and when I first came in to the scene they wanted to literally rip me apart.

6. What wide range of garments does MARIA.B offer to women?

I do everything from casuals, semi-formal party wear, formals to bridals. The casuals and formals include the prĂȘt a porter [ready to wear] line and then the couture [high fashion] bridal line is totally separate. I did Western wear for a while but that’s not my particular clientele. My clientele would occasionally wear the sleeveless or short shirt but 85% of them wouldn’t. When one is catering to a large group of people, these restrictions do creep in and they should be taken as a challenge. When you’re retailing in the market as a designer you can’t afford to make choices for the client. You have to give your client what they want otherwise you fail.

7. What is MARIA.B’s design philosophy?

My design philosophy is generally centered on my belief in fusion. I am a big believer in the fusion and gelling together of Eastern and Western influences so that I can come up with something that is internationally viable. The designing however should not be overbearingly Western or overbearingly Eastern. There needs to be a perfect balance..

8. Who does the make-up and grooming for most of your shoots?

The two or three make-up artists that I have worked with are all fabulous and I choose them according to the nature of the shoot. I have a good idea now about which make-up artist [or photographer for that matter] would do well with which theme.

9. How important do you think it is for a designer to have photo shoots appear in magazines/publications regularly? Why?

It is extremely important because as a designer I am selling an image. It is a form of marketing and because we have always put so much stress on this aspect of marketing ourselves, the Maria.B label has become a big name in just two years. We actually built our brand through the shoots and now a Maria.B shoot is recognized instantly by people.

10. How have you grown as a designer in the last four years?

I have learnt a lot. When I was in college I had these huge dreams and I told myself I would make all kinds of clothes and be very experimental but now I know it doesn’t work. You have to create what sells and I learnt that the hard way. At the end of the day market forces are what drive the designer. You have to make your mark and give your clothes that special edge within the confines of those forces.

11. Which is your most memorable fashion show and why?

It is the Paris collection because the scale was very big and I hardly get to show Western clothes in Pakistan. My whole Paris collection was made up of Western wear. I enjoyed it for the freedom I had.

12. Do you think an education in fashion is absolutely necessary for a designer?

Yes, pretty much. Aesthetically I don’t think anyone can teach you anything. Either you have it or you don’t. However, if as a designer I am not technically educated then the stitcher, cutter and other people that work for me will not respect me as a designer and I won’t be able to guide them properly. They would take me for a ride if I didn’t know anything about the technicality of making a garment.

13. Do you have an accessory line?

I have started an accessory line and I have hired a girl for that. She has studied Accessory Design from FIT in the States. We have a completely separate accessory department with shoes and bags now.

14. Do you think having an online presence is important for designers?

Yes it is and although we have a website I have neglected it. I don’t have the time and I need people to manage it. A lot of our customers wanted us to have online sales but I have not gotten to that yet as far as an e-service is concerned where the customer can just click on the garment they want and choose the size.

By: Fariha Rashed